Merfy-Lou's Musings

On Halloween


The night of October 31, celebrated by children who dress in costume and solicit treats door-to-door.

Halloween makes me a little sad these days.  My hubby doesn’t really believe in dressing up or decorating for it, which makes me feel I don’t have his support if I were to decorate.  So, I gave up dressing up and trying to get him to do the same.  And let’s not even go into how Hubby doesn’t like to go out. Ever. Unless it’s to go play video games or watch sports.

The last two years, we handed out candy.  I spent probably close to $100 in candy last year, because we live in an apartment where the majority of the door-to-door walking is inside.  We had lots of trick-or-treaters and it it was super fun.  This year, I’m already fretting December and January’s rent and student loan payments, since I’ll be out of work for 7 days in November (Honeymoon for 5 and Thanksgiving for 2).

Then lets add in, that I don’t really hang out with anyone in Fairbanks.  I have friends, but it seems that facebook has taken over the way we socialize.  So, I don’t really get invited to go with a group of people to go anywhere (dressed up or not).  Seeing big groups of people I know at events, like the Pub’s Halloween Dances or going anywhere, really, dressed up, just makes me sad.  Wishing that I had what it takes to have the balls to go out by myself.  But even when I do go out by myself, I wind up leaving quickly because I don’t feel like I belong with anyone that I’m around.

And the last part of Halloween that makes me super sad, is I always miss my mom.  She was always this badass recreation of Darth Maul.  My mom loves Halloween and always wants to decorate and dress up and find all of the things to do related to Halloween.  Partially, I hope it’ll be better when we have kids.  Then, I hope I won’t feel silly just “doing Halloween” without Hubby. But we’ll see.

For now, I’ll just be avoiding the pictures of the un-social networks that make me sad.  And on Halloween, I’ll be going to the movies instead of greeting Trick-or-Treaters.

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30 Things: Day 24

Describe your family dynamics from your childhood vs your family dynamics now.

As a child, I was what some would consider a “goody-twoshoes” and a know-it-all.  While I still possess these characteristics, I think I’ve taken a step back and can control them better.

My family growing up was awesome.  My brothers and I didn’t always listen when it came time to do our chores, but generally we listened to our parents.  We got most everything we wanted without too much hard work.  I don’t know if it’s true, but it I don’t feel like I confided in my parents enough.  I think having a computer created a barrier and I would seek the help of strangers before asking my parents.   But at the same time, I remember calling my mom at work daily to ask her something that couldn’t wait.  (My childhood was before texting).  I always knew my dad loved me, even if it seemed like he loved my brothers and their sports more.  After I started dating my now hubby, my dad would as me “Sex, drugs or alcohol??”  And the answer was always “NONE! Why do you torture me?”  But I know he was just trying to make sure my moral compass was right.  I was one of those strange kids who didn’t drink alcohol before their 21st birthday.

I wasn’t close to either of my brothers either.  I always blamed getting glasses and gaining weight as the culprit of this, but who knows.  I just wasn’t quite as athletic as they were and I hated going to their football practices for 2 hours a night, every single night.  As we got older, I remember crying a lot because my brothers would fight over everything.  I’d scream at them “Why can’t you just be friends?!”  We just weren’t close.

We grew up with so much of our extended family around.  4/6 grandparents, almost always 6/10 aunts and uncles, and plenty of cousins.  I absolutely loved this.  I loved that we didn’t have to hire a babysitter or go to daycare because there was always a family member around to talk to.  I remember my two aunts asking me (on separate occasions) about growing up stuff and that if I ever needed someone to confide in, I could talk to them.  My grandmas taught me to do things, like quilt and cook or hard work earn a little money (filing papers for the Coast Guard stuff).  My grandpas taught us about hunting, shooting guns, building things and were just generally awesome.

Now, in this texting world, I don’t talk on the phone to my mom almost ever.  But, we still text all the time.  She’s the first person I ask about most everything.  I wish she lived closer so that we could have coffee dates and work on quilts together.  I never thought I’d live in a different state than my mom… Who is supposed to watch my babies in the future?! ❤  I definitely confide in my mom a lot more than I used to.

And I miss my dad too.  It’s a lot harder to explain mechanical issues with my truck when he isn’t next to me.  And while we never talked much, I do think that we talk more.  He always wants to know about my plans and dreams, which helps me to keep dreaming and planning.  I wish he’d move closer too, so I could learn to fix my own truck instead of paying a mechanic.

John and I still aren’t very close.  But I know we miss each other.  He gives me a hard time every time we do talk.  And he likes to show his love frequently.  I have a feeling he’ll be like one of my uncles who went of the grid for a few years to learn some mistakes and then come back a better man.  He’s a strong worker and I admire that.  (Also, I’m a little jealous that he makes waaaayyyy more money than me.)

Michael and I aren’t close either.  We talk a little more frequently than John and I do though.  He’s got a good stubborn head on his shoulders and I admire that.  I miss his hugs and the way he always makes sense when I’m being an idiot.  I hope he does all of the good things he talks about.

And now, I have a hubby!  We love each other, even if I snap at him and he makes fun of me.  He takes care of me and I absolutely love him for that.  We’re both hard working people who can’t imagine being dirt poor and we realize what we can and can’t afford.  We have our goals for babies and a house a new car.

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30 Things: Day 9

List 10 people who have influenced you and describe how.

1.  My parents.  I know I have talked about them before, but they are the people who brought me up to be the woman I am today.  My parents are the most giving people I have ever known.  From being Little League President to having two extra boys stay in their home, they have taught me that volunteering is one of the only ways any community will ever be successful.

2.  My husband influences me to want to be successful.  It’s frustrating to us that we have different views on what success is, but he challenges me to to be my best.

3.  My friends Punk and Rock.  They seem to have wisdom beyond their years and help me stay sane.  They influence me to have a “I just care about myself” attitude which helps me be less stressed.

4.  My brothers of Alpha Phi Omega continue to influence me for similar reasons of my parents.  They remind me the joy of volunteering and leadership.

5.  My best friend, Kim.  She is awesome.  She is constantly reminding me that my life isn’t horrible and that things will work out, one way or another.

6.  My grandparents.  All six of them, because I never knew them any other way than just grandparents.  They have this amazing vibe that just screams love.  It is so wonderful to be a part of.

7.  My younger brothers.  They have influenced me to be determined to do it myself.  Growing up, I don’t really ever consider myself to have been an incredible “girly-girl” and I blame having two awesome little brothers.

8.  My bosses at Cold Stone in Soldotna.  Mick and Nikki, and Cheryl and Jack are all influential to just be happy.  They always have a smile on their faces and the most loving vibe.  They welcomed us into their hearts and homes, that’s the kind of family I want to have.

9.  Joe Hayes is also on my list.  Joe is a people person, who seemingly always remembers everyone.  He influences me to work on my name remembering skills.

10.  And last, but certainly not least, my high school ski coaches, D’Anna and Dave.  I wasn’t the fastest skier, but something about them always made me want to work my hardest.  I’m sorry I almost killed you with my deathly glares, but I’m so glad you put up with me.

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30 Things: Day 8

What are five passions you have?

1.  Helping others.  I love when I can do something that makes someone elses life easier.  It’s why I volunteer for things.

2.  Arts and Crafts: including but not limited to quilting, scrapbooking, crocheting.  I like to see the progress of what I am doing and making changes from the pattern to have my own creativity stand out.

3.  Hanging out with my Hubby.  He can push me to do things that I probably wouldn’t have done otherwise.

4.  Alpha Phi Omega.  I have brothers across the country to call upon for help if I need it and I know these people also have the same values as myself for wanting to make a difference in others lives.

5. I have a passion for staying busy.  I know that’s a weird thing, but I can’t stand just watching tv or sitting there doing nothing.  I need to be working on something else at the same time (Even though Hubby will tell you that multitasking is literally impossible.

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30 days worth of Posts

Via my favorite time waster, pintrest, I found this list of 30 Things.  I think I want to use it to put some more words on “paper”

So, first on the list is: List 20 random facts about yourself.

1.  I have 5 favorite colors.  When shopping for me and colors are involved, it’s easier to go based on what colors don’t I like.  So, in no particular order, my favorite colors are Red, Yellow, Maroon, Navy and Purple.

2.  I absolutely love ice cream.  Unfortunately, it shows :-/ but that’s ok.  Portion control is everything.

3.  I prefer my water at or slightly below room temperature.  Cold water is hard for me to drink.  I blame my mom.

4. There is no way on earth to choose a favorite grandparent.  Each of them have different qualities that I love!

5.  I’ll probably regret saying this in a few days, but I can’t wait for Hubby to start actively writing his Nanooks Blog again.  I love seeing him so dedicated to something.

6. I love to quilt. But only making the tops, I don’t care for binding or tying quilts very much.

7.  I have no idea what I am going to do with my life.  I hope whatever it is I decide will help Hubby and I move forward with our goals and dreams.

8. We still haven’t taken our honeymoon yet.  We’ve been married for 3 months (on Sunday) but we didn’t want to leave Alaska in the summer time (mainly due to me and work) so we’re going in November.

9.  I hate change.  I hate not knowing.  But I love new, different things.  I don’t get it.

10.  I have a betta.  His name is Reginald.  I think he might have two or three other names, depending on who you ask, since I’m the…. fourth? owner.

11.  I want to move to lake-side Wisconsin.  I want to live somewhere other than Alaska for awhile and experience the rest of my great country.

12.  I don’t think either presidential candidate is right for our needs, but I know who I’m voting for.  But I don’t like arguing politics because I feel that I never know enough to be able to spit it out off the tip of my tongue, so I’m not telling you who.

13.  I have a goal to pay off my student loans by age 30.

14.  I want two kids.  I used to want to be done having kids by now, but I realize that would have put a damper on my educational goals as well.  Now I want to wait a bit, potentially even having a child in 2020, just because the year sounds cool.

15. I know I want to work with people when I grow up.  I think pursuing further education in nursing, student affairs or teaching could be the right answer, but I’m afraid of the making the wrong choice, which is preventing me from making any choice. (along with the fear of more debt.)

16.  I did not drink until I turned 21.

17.  I miss planning my wedding. I’m so happy its over, but I’d really like to host another big party — on someone else’s dollar.

18. Sometimes the simpler choices in life are better.

19.  I can’t wait to buy a house and have a dog to snuggle with; especially on nights that Hubby is gone.

20.  I wish nail polish didn’t chip so easily.  I love having fun, decorated nails, but it’s hard to keep up with.

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