On Halloween

hal·low·een/ˌhaləˈwēn/

Noun:

The night of October 31, celebrated by children who dress in costume and solicit treats door-to-door.

Halloween makes me a little sad these days.  My hubby doesn’t really believe in dressing up or decorating for it, which makes me feel I don’t have his support if I were to decorate.  So, I gave up dressing up and trying to get him to do the same.  And let’s not even go into how Hubby doesn’t like to go out. Ever. Unless it’s to go play video games or watch sports.

The last two years, we handed out candy.  I spent probably close to $100 in candy last year, because we live in an apartment where the majority of the door-to-door walking is inside.  We had lots of trick-or-treaters and it it was super fun.  This year, I’m already fretting December and January’s rent and student loan payments, since I’ll be out of work for 7 days in November (Honeymoon for 5 and Thanksgiving for 2).

Then lets add in, that I don’t really hang out with anyone in Fairbanks.  I have friends, but it seems that facebook has taken over the way we socialize.  So, I don’t really get invited to go with a group of people to go anywhere (dressed up or not).  Seeing big groups of people I know at events, like the Pub’s Halloween Dances or going anywhere, really, dressed up, just makes me sad.  Wishing that I had what it takes to have the balls to go out by myself.  But even when I do go out by myself, I wind up leaving quickly because I don’t feel like I belong with anyone that I’m around.

And the last part of Halloween that makes me super sad, is I always miss my mom.  She was always this badass recreation of Darth Maul.  My mom loves Halloween and always wants to decorate and dress up and find all of the things to do related to Halloween.  Partially, I hope it’ll be better when we have kids.  Then, I hope I won’t feel silly just “doing Halloween” without Hubby. But we’ll see.

For now, I’ll just be avoiding the pictures of the un-social networks that make me sad.  And on Halloween, I’ll be going to the movies instead of greeting Trick-or-Treaters.

30 Things: Day 30

List 10 things you hope to be remembered for.

1. Desire to volunteer to help anyone who needs it.
2. An inspirational brother of Alpha Phi Omega.
3. A loving, amazing parent.
4. A phenomenal member of whichever profession I go into (nursing? teaching?)
5. Quilting
6. Baking
7. My love for water
8. An awesome party thrower (This, I need to work on when I can afford it)
9. Someone who always knows when and where things are taking place
10. Me.

30 Things: Day 29

What is something that you think is misunderstood about you?

I think that people mistake my bubbliness for being happy.

30 Things: Day 28

What is your love language?

I’m not 100% certain I understand the question, but I would say music.  I think love is a very hard thing to express and music does a wonderful job of describing the ups and downs, the highs and lows, the good and bad times.

30 Things: Day 27

What is your favorite part of your body and why?

I would have to say either my eyes or my hair.  I would pick my eyes, because they get the most compliments.  People are frequently stopping me to look directly in my eyes and say “WOW! You’re eyes are sooo blue. “

And I like my hair, because it grows amazingly.  It styles well and I get compliments from the stylist all the time.

30 Things: Day 26

What popular notion do you think has done the world the most wrong?

I think that being forced to identify with one of the few distinct groups of the government is a false notion. There are things I agree with from both sides, which is why I continue to be registered as an undeclared voter.

I don’t think it’s fair to identify completely with one side. There are too many issues to agree with one party 100%

30 Things: Day 25

If you could have dinner with anyone in history, who would it be and what would you eat?

Growing up, my role model was Helen Keller.  I would love to meet her and learn to communicate in a way that she would understand.

I think I would have something simple.  Something that didn’t require utensils, that way they weren’t in the way of drawing pictures on each others hands.

30 Things: Day 24

Describe your family dynamics from your childhood vs your family dynamics now.

As a child, I was what some would consider a “goody-twoshoes” and a know-it-all.  While I still possess these characteristics, I think I’ve taken a step back and can control them better.

My family growing up was awesome.  My brothers and I didn’t always listen when it came time to do our chores, but generally we listened to our parents.  We got most everything we wanted without too much hard work.  I don’t know if it’s true, but it I don’t feel like I confided in my parents enough.  I think having a computer created a barrier and I would seek the help of strangers before asking my parents.   But at the same time, I remember calling my mom at work daily to ask her something that couldn’t wait.  (My childhood was before texting).  I always knew my dad loved me, even if it seemed like he loved my brothers and their sports more.  After I started dating my now hubby, my dad would as me “Sex, drugs or alcohol??”  And the answer was always “NONE! Why do you torture me?”  But I know he was just trying to make sure my moral compass was right.  I was one of those strange kids who didn’t drink alcohol before their 21st birthday.

I wasn’t close to either of my brothers either.  I always blamed getting glasses and gaining weight as the culprit of this, but who knows.  I just wasn’t quite as athletic as they were and I hated going to their football practices for 2 hours a night, every single night.  As we got older, I remember crying a lot because my brothers would fight over everything.  I’d scream at them “Why can’t you just be friends?!”  We just weren’t close.

We grew up with so much of our extended family around.  4/6 grandparents, almost always 6/10 aunts and uncles, and plenty of cousins.  I absolutely loved this.  I loved that we didn’t have to hire a babysitter or go to daycare because there was always a family member around to talk to.  I remember my two aunts asking me (on separate occasions) about growing up stuff and that if I ever needed someone to confide in, I could talk to them.  My grandmas taught me to do things, like quilt and cook or hard work earn a little money (filing papers for the Coast Guard stuff).  My grandpas taught us about hunting, shooting guns, building things and were just generally awesome.

Now, in this texting world, I don’t talk on the phone to my mom almost ever.  But, we still text all the time.  She’s the first person I ask about most everything.  I wish she lived closer so that we could have coffee dates and work on quilts together.  I never thought I’d live in a different state than my mom… Who is supposed to watch my babies in the future?! ❤  I definitely confide in my mom a lot more than I used to.

And I miss my dad too.  It’s a lot harder to explain mechanical issues with my truck when he isn’t next to me.  And while we never talked much, I do think that we talk more.  He always wants to know about my plans and dreams, which helps me to keep dreaming and planning.  I wish he’d move closer too, so I could learn to fix my own truck instead of paying a mechanic.

John and I still aren’t very close.  But I know we miss each other.  He gives me a hard time every time we do talk.  And he likes to show his love frequently.  I have a feeling he’ll be like one of my uncles who went of the grid for a few years to learn some mistakes and then come back a better man.  He’s a strong worker and I admire that.  (Also, I’m a little jealous that he makes waaaayyyy more money than me.)

Michael and I aren’t close either.  We talk a little more frequently than John and I do though.  He’s got a good stubborn head on his shoulders and I admire that.  I miss his hugs and the way he always makes sense when I’m being an idiot.  I hope he does all of the good things he talks about.

And now, I have a hubby!  We love each other, even if I snap at him and he makes fun of me.  He takes care of me and I absolutely love him for that.  We’re both hard working people who can’t imagine being dirt poor and we realize what we can and can’t afford.  We have our goals for babies and a house a new car.

30 Things: Day 23

Describe five hobbies and why you enjoy them.

1. Quilting.  I love quilts, and I know my mom and grandma are to blame for this.  I can remember the first quilt I ever helped my mom put together. It was my rainbow pinwheel quilt and I absolutely loved that thing to bits.  One of the first quilts I ever made was for Mrs. Gilman’s baby she was having when I was in 4th grade.  Quilting is about cutting up the big stuff and rearranging it to put it back together again.  It’s about creating a piece of art that will warm and comfort someone you love.  It’s just awesome.
2. Cooking/Baking.  Like quilting, food is a warmth for most people.  Finding a new recipe and having family, friends and coworkers complimenting you on how delicious it is makes you feel good.  Now that I’m really trying to eat less processed foods, this hobby is growing.  It’s finding the good things that I can eat that are good for me.
3. Crafting in general.  I like to come up with new ideas and make them.  (or copy somebody else’s work) and saying “I did that”
4. Country music.  Most of it has something I can identify with.  Even if it’s just “lover, lover” completely out of context and my husband and I can giggle over it.
5. Music.  I love playing my saxophone with an ensemble.  Creating a group sound after hours of practice is so much fun.

30 Things: Day 22

Where do you see yourself in 5 years? 10 years? 15 years?

Five years from now (2017), I imagine, we’ll still live in Fairbanks.  Assuming all goes well, I complete my teaching degree and am working in one of the elementary schools in Fairbanks.  (I’m not picky as to which one, since I’m not from here, but I’d prefer not to have to drive really far to do so.)  We won’t have any kids yet, since my student loans still won’t be paid off.  And that will sadden me, but c’est la vie.  I want nothing less than the best for them.  Britton will probably have the same job – or have moved up in rank and will be loving it.  We’ll be in our own home with a dog.  Probably a retriever of some sort, since I can’t stand little dogs.  Hopefully we won’t have to have a roommate, but if that’s what the mortgage requires, we’ll survive.  I’ll be able to handle the munchkins at work, because it will no longer be my first trip around the block. And I’ll love it.

In ten years (2022), Britton will have finally had enough of Fairbanks winters and we’ll be moving.  But it won’t be to the beaches of Hawaii.  Nope, probably like our current goal of Wisconsin.  So, it’s extremely likely that we’ll still be cold in the winter and plug our vehicles in at night. I’ll either continue teaching in the new state, or have decided, enough with that, and move into the other career path that I want to do… which means more school.  But, it’ll be worth it.  Nursing is in a higher demand, and will be, because the geriatric division will just be growing.  I see myself working with the older, crankier generations, because they remind me of my grandparents (even though my grandparents aren’t cranky).  I don’t know if I’ll be working in a hospital or in a nursing home-like facility, but I’ll love the stress and demands of the job.  We’ll likely have a child at this point, since I will have grown impatient and wanting to start having babies before I’m in my thirties.  And we’ll probably be trying for our second.  We’ll own a home, hopefully with the same dog from the five year mark.  I’ll still be crafting like I do today – and learning to sew adorable outfits for my babies.

15 years (2027) is much harder for me to imagine.  I’ll be 38.  I want to have moved up from the bottom of the totem pole in seniority, as well as up the ladder of success.  I want to be the boss of the floor I work on, instead of the bottom of the barrel. My two kids will be in school and loving it.  I hope they will foster a love for music like Britton and I have.  That they’ll enjoy music lessons, as well as sports.  I hope Britton and I can embrace each other and give our kids everything they deserve (without being spoiled rotten).